


Hermits Are Weird

by Powder404



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, DON'T SHIP REAL PEOPLE, Evoker!Cubfan135, F/F, F/M, Humans Are Weird, Let The Hermits Cuss, M/M, Multi, The Hermits Are Flirty As Fuck, The Hermits Cuss, Vex!GoodTimesWithScar, VoidWalker!XisumaVoid, Watcher!Grian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-27 08:28:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30119976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Powder404/pseuds/Powder404
Summary: Humans Are WeirdHumans Are BarbariansEarth Is Space AustraliaHumanity, Fuck YeahHumans Are Space OrcsHumans Are Weird And ScaryApply that fun strand of messages and canons from Tumblr and add it to Hermitcraft and now you've got yourself a shot fic.
Relationships: Cubfan135/GoodTimesWithScar, EthosLab & Daniel M. | VintageBeef, Jevin | iJevin/Welsknight, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, polyhermits
Comments: 11
Kudos: 54





	1. Ch. 1 = The New Assignment

_ “Dear Counselor G. Xelqua,  _

_ As it is written in the stars, it is time for us as a race to begin to open back up to the new universe. It just so happens that with the coming of the new universe- it has decided to introduce one of the most fascinating species we as a people have come across for some time.  _

_ It is also with great honor that you have been selected to accompany not only two Ambassadors from higher standings in the galaxy- but an experienced Space General who has so graciously accepted the role and responsibility of commanding a starship with two dozen organics from the new Spaceport Planet, Terra, Earth.  _

_ Report to your station at the seven hundredth tick where you will be gathered to join the two Ambassadors and General on an expedition to gather information and study the new species that has joined our galaxy among the stars.  _

_ The Higher Ops”.  _

Grian blinked once behind his Watcher mask as he reread the message that had been sent to him. The Higher Watchers wanted him to do what? 

Grian shook his head and set the message aside. 

Everything had changed dramatically ever since the new species properly entered space territory. The species had immediately flipped everything the universe had on its head as soon as they made first contact with the other life forms in the universe. 

Grian Xelqua was no fool of a Winged one. He had heard the morbid, terrifying and odd stories that the other races told. They had told of strength that no other race had hopes of replicating, no span of intelligence- nothing. This new species hadn’t even seen the whole of their quadrant sector and yet now they were the talk of everything. Every galaxy wanted to make allies, every species wanted to recruit this new species. 

So in short- this new species was like a plague and there was nothing stopping it. 

Grian frowned angrily. Surely the Higher Watchers couldn’t actually be sending him on a mission with an experienced space captain that was insane enough to have nearly two dozen of this new species on board their ship. And if they were- surely there was another Watcher that would excel more in this field of study than him. 

The privilege that this was- to be selected as an information recorder and to stand by ambassadors and a general- was an honorable thing. But Grian didn’t exactly want to leave his life behind to go off into the distant galaxy. 

With a heavy sigh, Grian picked up his comm tablet and checked on a few things. The seven hundredth tick was coming up in just a handful of cycles.

After a moment in thought, Grian decided that it was best to begin gathering the things he wished to take with him for the assignment. 

==================

Xisuma twitched anxiously in the seat he was sitting in. A nervous  _ tick  _ as his father and brother called it. It apparently was slang used by the new species and if X ever wanted to understand and be a true leader to them, he’d have to understand their ways of speech just like they had. But Xisuma was not his father or brother. He was him. 

At that moment, the young General and soon to be captain was riding on a space shuttle with a handful of other Void Walkers like himself to return to their own crews and ships at the Major SpaceDock, Interstellar. 

Now was the time that Xisuma was to receive his very own ship and crew. A ship and crew that would not be governed by the peering eyes of Winged ones, Vexers, Evokers, his brother or his father. Just a ship and crew, all to himself that he would be responsible for. 

It was nerve wracking. 

He was getting a package deal. Receive a small Starship to captain over, and have a bunch of his crew be of the new species that had been introduced into the galaxy a handful of Clicks ago for analysis, inspecting, and documenting. Simple- had it not had everything resting on his shoulders. 

Xisuma shook his head to himself as he breathed deeply from his helmet. He held his head low as the other older Void Walkers began to shuffle around to ready themselves for when they docked at Interstellar. 

“Interstellar docking will commence in a fourth of a Cycle.” 

Xisuma lifted his head back up and gathered his courage. Moments later, he was steadying himself after the shuttle bumped around and finally settled into its place on one of Interstellar’s docking plates. 

In an instant, the mob of experienced Void Walkers began to move, forcing Xisuma to move with its current. The much younger and shorter Void Walker stumbled over himself for a second before regaining his footing and managing to fall in sync with the rest of his comrades. 

_ “Your sector is B-Axel-92. Make sure you’re there to meet the new species, Ambassadors and Counselor to welcome them. They will expect nothing less from you in that regard.”  _

Xisuma swallowed anxiously and looked up and around for his assigned sector. 

_ “Greet the Ambassadors, the Counselor and the crew. Easier said than done.”  _ Xisuma mentally hissed at himself. Did he greet the Ambassadors first? The Counselor? Or the crew? All members were equally important, but some held higher positions on their planet than others… 

This was gonna be harder than he thought. 

======================

Cub read over the mission report. He gave a humored chuckle and rested the padd down in his lap. “Fascinating, this species has so many subspecies; and we get to witness all of them work together in a single closed in environment. Isn’t that so exciting, Scar?” 

The Vexer, Ambassador Scar and Cubfan135’s good friend hummed back in approval. “Indeed it is, my comrade. For a species, these Terrans aren’t as primitive as many assume them to be.” 

Cub switched his attention away from the Padd and up to the other Ambassador. “You aren’t wrong.” 

“And what of the captain?” Scar questioned as he adjusted some accessory on his person. "Any unique information about him?" 

Cub thought for a moment. “The captain holds the rank of General which is surprising, given his age, height, weight and experience. Then again- many Void Walkers have war and fighting experience. They are not to be underestimated like most of the universe does.” 

Scar frowned, his pale blue tinted skin wrinkled and was ruined by the expression. “Do you think the same applies to the Terrans of… Earth? Is it called Earth?” The Vexer turned away from the reflective surface he was peering into and towards the Evoker kin. 

"It is called Earth." 

Cub then contemplated what was asked first.  _ “Did the same rules that applied to Void Walkers apply to Terrans? Never underestimate them?”  _

After another moment of thought, Cub simply shrugged his appendages and set the Padd on a firm surface that wasn’t his lap. “I am unsure. I would assume so, but that’s what we’ve been assigned for. To study and observe this new species so we can better understand and estimate how they operate.” 

Scar appeared to have been satisfied with the reply, as the expression that had ruined his face disappeared and was replaced with a more visibly appealing expression that highlighted many features that Cub appreciated the Vexer for. “Once again, I am baffled by your wisdom, comrade. As they say on  _ Earth-  _ you must share this gift.” 

Cub chuckled lightly and rose to his feet. “I shall keep that in mind. Now- we have a crew, captain and Counselor to meet. Shall we?” 

Scar lit up as Cub linked arms with him. The two turned towards the door and headed out of the room they had been lounging in and headed towards Sector B-Axel-92 to meet their new crew. 

===================== 

The shuttle ride felt more like a prison exchange- transfer- or whatever it was called in Common- more than a crew transfer. The atmosphere inside the shuttle felt low and depressing. Claustrophobic might have been the word to describe it. 

Doc hated the feeling of claustrophobia. 

He was currently seated on a leather seat of the shuttle with the rest of his supposed crew mates from Earth. He was going to be working with them for this entire time whether they hated each other or not. Oh the joys of recruitment and real world job expectancies. 

With a silent but heavy sigh, Doc took another look around the shuttle. 

There were twenty two of them in total. All ranging from different types of humans with different backgrounds, experiences, ages, families, appearances and heights. But right now they were all sharing the same leaping off point in their lives by being together and completely dead silent in a cramped shuttle awaiting the docking arrival at Interstellar. 

The people that were sitting directly next to him were two males. An older looking gentleman who looked like he had seen a lot during his time and another younger looking man who had a mask covering his face and albino colored hair just like the older man. 

Sitting in front of him was a nice looking lady with short brown hair who’s bangs were covering the left side of her face completely. She had her arms crossed over her chest in a resting position and her posture was slouched ever so slightly.

To the brown haired woman’s left was a man who looked much more anxious than her. He sported black unkempt hair and a mustache to top it. Pale skin matched hers too and he had been fidgeting and twitching the entire time to the point of it getting annoying. 

To the brown haired woman’s direct right was another man with brown hair and glasses on his face. He seemed far more calm and relaxed. 

The rest of the shuttle either looked bored, tired or a mix of the two emotions. 

With a huff of air, Doc carefully adjusted himself so he didn't nudge either of the men to his sides and slumped in his seat. He crossed his arms and let his head drop into a slightly comfortable resting position. His organic and robotic eye slowly began to close and the rest of the shuttle went a bit dimmer.

Sleep came upon Doc faster than he would've liked to admit. 

The creeper hybrid didn't know long his nap had gone on for but it didn't last long. 

In one swift movement, the entire shuttle lurched to the left at an angle in one clean motion. The people that were on the opposite side of the shuttle from Doc were jostled from their seats, while Doc's side was slammed against the backs of theirs. 

The whole shuttle was awake now and Doc heard the first vocal protest of his new crew and with it, a multitude of other vocal complaints. 

"What the hell!" Complained another woman with long, curly orange red hair. 

"Is everyone alright?" Asked a man with blond hair and light purple eyes. He was on Doc's side and he had stood up, a risky move. 

"The fuck caused that?" Came the obvious question from a shorter man with dark brown hair and a red bandana wrapped around his head. 

"Welp, so much for sleeping." Gruffled the older man to Doc's immediate right. 

As the shuttle filled with more voices, Doc's head immediately went to answer the question that was blurted out-  _ "The fuck caused that?"  _

"Some sort of turbulence." Doc explained out, catching the attention of the red bandana wearer and a handful of others that were nearby. "Space turbulence that is. We might have hit a solar wave or something." 

The red bandana wearer grumbled and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "Oh great." 

As the shuttle collected itself again, the chatter began to pick up. 

"Well, now that everyone's awake and ok. Do we wanna take names or something?" 

"What? Are we gonna make friendship bracelets or something?" 

"You got a problem with friendship bracelets bro?" 

"Guys-" 

All at once, the cabin of the shuttle was filled with conversation with everyone trying to talk at once. 

Doc sighed to himself and sat straight again. He glanced around the shuttle and noticed that he was not the only one who was not speaking or introducing themself to the others. 

The anxious looking mustached man was not talking with anyone else. The albino mask man wasn't either and another handful were doing the same. There weren't many but still. 

Doc took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. It was going to be a long ride. 


	2. Ch. 2 = Interstellar Docking

Iskall took a deep breath of oxygen and followed his crewmates out of their shuttle. His back was stiff from being forced to keep his dragon wings tucked in for nearly two hours. Hopefully they’d find their sector soon so that he could stretch out, just like many were most likely hoping for. 

A lot of his new crewmates had wings just like himself, Iskall had noted. Some of their winged appendages were smaller than his and some looked like they would almost match his wing span. The extra appendages were of different appearances in color, shape and design like all wings were. 

“Sector B-Axel-92… anyone know where that is?” A blond male asked, turning towards the group of twenty one. The blond male had pale skin and fiery orange hair that stuck up. Little embers of flames were residing inside the man’s hair and produced light but he didn’t seem to notice the possible burn. 

A taller man with a pair of one of the biggest eyes Iskall had ever seen pointed to the group’s left. “That sector is B-Axel-68. So my guess would be that we head forward and follow the climbing numbers.” 

The blond man that was in front gave a huge grin of thanks to the big eyed man before turning on his heel and pointing forward in a dramatic fashion. “You guys heard the man! Onwards!” And with that declared, the blond fire male skipped forward; advancing the rest of the group in the process. 

Iskall fell into step with everyone else. The entire group seemed to subconsciously mesh together in a tight line of two and two comradery. A buddy system that was taught to all people who left to work in space when they were with groups. Evens did double buddy while odds did a triple system. 

Iskall thought it was similar to military discipline training. 

A man about the same height as Iskall had fallen into line beside him to his right. This man had longish brown hair that was pulled into a small, thin ponytail and two dog ears sat high and alert on the man’s head. 

_ “A werewolf then- or dog hybrid.”  _ Iskall thought mentally. It wasn’t the end of the galaxy. Iskall was a half dragon so compared to this guy- Iskall looked more irregular and out of place. 

The line continued to follow the pair in front. The blond fire man and a much taller woman with orange/red, long curly hair who was easier to see in the crowded Docking Station full of all sorts of creatures. Aliens of all sorts were calling out and chatting among themselves. The line would get it's fair share of eyes drawn to it then those eyes would look away. 

It still wasn’t the end of the galaxy. 

Iskall couldn’t bring himself to make conversation with this person and the person seemed to be thinking the same thing. If the man did mind then Iskall would figure out some way to make it up to him. The Swede could only watch as the sector number climbed higher and higher by twos as his crew continued to march toward ninety two. 

“So, I’m RenDog. What’s your name?” 

Iskall flinched and looked at the hybrid. He hesitated at the sudden introduction. “Uh…” The Swede stumbled with his words for a moment. “I’m Iskall Eighty-Five.” 

RenDog offered a happy, bright smile. “Nice to meet you Mr. Eighty-Five.” 

Iskall couldn’t help but to return the smile. “Likewise, Mr. Ren.” 

The Swede hesitated again. Some questions were swirling around his mind, but he wasn’t sure if it’d be right to ask so soon. After another moment and the risk of walking in silence again increasing- Iskall threw most caution to the wind. 

“So… uh, are you a- a hybrid?” 

Now it was Ren’s turn to falter. “Oh." 

_ "Oh?"  _

"Oh! Yeah- well sort of. I’m more werewolf than a hybrid mix of anything. And you?” 

“I'm just a half dragon hybrid.” 

Ren craned his head and peered back at the other man’s wings. “No tail though?” He questioned lightly. 

Iskall shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. “No tail though.” He repeated. 

Ren laughed and grinned brightly, unconsciously mimicking his new friend's shrug action. It was honestly adorable. “You at least have wings. That’s pretty cool!” 

“Yeah, it is pretty cool.” 

Ren let out a quiet whine and looked sheepishly behind him. "Lucky, unfortunately I have one and it seems to have a mind of its own." 

Iskall looked back behind him and Ren and sure enough, his new friend did have a brown furred tail that was wagging back and forth. 

“Aye! There’s our sector!” 

Iskall and Ren both looked away from each other and looked up at the sector sign. They were indeed at Sector B-Axel-92. 

The blond haired man in the front happily jumped up and down and headed into the room that it had. He was followed by the rest of the line. The room- when Iskall and Ren finally entered- was immediately filled by the crew of humans. Many of them were still standing, most of them were the ones with wings and were stretching out. At that sight, Iskall was reminded of his own sore back. 

The Swede held up his index finger to his werewolf friend then made space between them. 

Puffing out his chest, Iskall raised his arms over his head and sucked in a deep breath of air. His large dragon wings spread out into the surrounding free space and raised higher. They visibly tensed and strained as the Swede slowly lowered his arms down to his sides. 

Ren snickered slightly and his brown furred tail wagged back and forth. “Feel better?” 

Iskall took a deep breath and slowly let it go. He nodded happily as he let extra appendages droop onto the floor and rest there. “Yeah, thank you. Wings can be painful and annoying when you are not using them for long periods of time.” 

Ren flashed his sharp looking teeth. “I’ll take your word. But now should we go meet some of the others? Now that we’re- more or less acquainted?” 

“Buddy buddy system?” 

“Buddy buddy system.” 

=========================

"Names RenDog, this is my pal Iskall Eighty-Five. What's your name, fair ring leader?" 

Ethos' eyes quietly searched the room and landed on three people. A hyper looking werewolf and a tough looking half dragon were talking to the blond ring leader that had led them to their sector. 

The ring leader replied to the werewolf's question with an enthusiastic tone. "I'm TangoTek, nice to meet you both." 

Ethos mentally made a note of the three's names and appearances. He'd need to know them in the future. They might not know him exactly but there was no real problem with that on his end. 

With a careful ear, Ethos leaned back against the wall he was standing by and listened to the conversation. 

The conversation jumped around a few times. The topic changed, tensed and relaxed, etc. Only a few things stuck out to Ethos enough to make him tune it closer but otherwise it all seemed like a regular greeting and get-to-know. 

"Wanna go join them?" 

With a jolt, Ethos felt his whole body move away from the sudden extra presence that was beside him. He was glad he was wearing a mask but his eyes most certainly widened from the scare he had been given. 

"Whoa! Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" 

Standing in front of Ethos- who was now further from the wall- was a man with brown hair and a beard. A common trait among many of the crewmates, but this gentleman had two small, white horns on his head that looked similar to a llama's. The two horns poked out from the man's hair just enough to be visible but hidden to the unkeen eye. 

The man gave a light chuckle and held his hands up, a show of slight submissiveness so that Ethos needn't be on alert. After the action the man offered a smile. 

"I'm VintageBeef and," The man- Vintage's- eyes trailed over to the other three whose voices were carrying drastically. "They are loud." 

Ethos blinked once and relaxed. He grinned behind his mask at the comment. "They are pretty loud." 

Vintage slowly put his arms down and visibly relaxed like Ethos had. "Then that means they won't exactly be directly bothering anyone else." 

Ethos cocked an eyebrow up. "Bothering anyone else?" 

Vintage pointed his index finger at the albino, a stupid grin spreading across his face. "Hey now, I said directly, not- not bothering anyone period, man! Don't-" Vintage struggled to hold back a couple fits of laughter. "-Don't you fuck with me!"

Ethos smirked from behind his mask. He bit back the feeling of laughter the best he could. "But it's  _ fun  _ to fuck with people." 

The two paused for a moment before they both broke their stoic facades of neutrality and began to snicker at their antics. The two continued to snicker at themselves for a good moment until they managed to calm themselves down. 

Vintage took a couple of deep breaths to compose himself again and wiped a fake tear from his eye. “Oh man, I can already tell you’re gonna be a lot of fun.” 

Ethos returned the compliment with a mock bow. “I’ll try to be.” 

“Well, you don’t have to try very hard. The last couple of people I tried to make conversations with didn’t seem all that enthralled at being here around other people.” 

Ethos blinked, then followed the brown haired man’s gaze over to a handful of others. The first was a man with a dark grey hood over his head and a red scarf covering his mouth. The second was a blue slime man who was standing in a corner by himself with body posture that screamed- “Don’t come near me”. Then finally the third one was another brown haired crewmate who had a big yellow “i” plastered on the front of his uniform. 

Ethos cocked his head to the side as his eyes returned to the man in front of him. “Huh… and I thought I was edgy by being by myself.” He commented light heartedly. 

Vintage gave a shrug. “Not everyone’s a people person, and that’s understandable.” 

Ethos hummed. “That’s a very wise comment. Now, wish to continue listening to the ruckus that will eventually hit us too?” 

The two grinned at each other again, then tuned into the louder conversation that was being held by Iskall, Ren and Tango; also slowly beginning to approach closer to possibly get a shot of the contagious talking virus that was being passed around to everyone. 

=================================

iJevin’s head hurt. The loud talking and background noise of everyone in the room wasn’t helping either. He did feel bad when he didn’t reply to that one brown haired man, its just that he  _ couldn’t.  _

With his eyes almost screwed shut from trying to keep himself from shouting up a storm, the blue slime stood in wordless torment as the three men continued to talk with each other and pull the people surrounding them into their conversation as well. 

_ “Can they please shut up now?”  _ iJevin prayed to no deity in particular as he willed an eye to crack open and glance at the group. 

_ “When did those people join them?”  _

The blue slime could catch bits and pieces of the mashed together conversation. He caught the names Iskall, Tango, Vintage, Stress, and xB but… 

“Heya.” 

Jevin felt his heart lurch in his chest. He bit his tongue as he caught himself just in time so he didn’t burst out in anger and annoyance. From the closeness of the voice, the Sky Zone Slime threw up one of his hands and rested it against the side of his face and covered one of his eyes. 

He hissed in pain as his head throbbed like a heartbeat. “Ghhh!” 

“Whoa, sorry there, didn’t mean to frighten you.” The voice said, but this time quieter which iJevin was thankful for. 

Forcing his free eye open, he caught sight of who worsened his headache. 

Standing beside him was a blond silver haired man who stood shorter than him. His hair was long but it looked so well kept. Bright blue eyes caught Jevin’s black dot of an eye and locked with it. He had a gentle expression but at the same time the expression looked confident. 

“Ghh… you didn’t scare me. You worsened my headache.” Jev muttered. 

The blue eyed blond gave an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a headache. Do you think an ice cube will help it?” He asked in a soft voice, but still loud enough for Jevin to hear without leaning in. 

The Sky Zone Slime shook his head and shut his eyes again. “No, I just- I just need to be on my own for a bit.” 

“Are you sure? I think I could help you.” 

iJevin sucked in a sharp breath of air and shook his head again. “Look,” He turned his full attention back to the shorter blond, winged man. “I appreciate your wanting to help me, but with all respect, I don’t want your help.” 

Jevin expected to get the same hurt eyes he always got when he spoke to people, but this guy didn’t even shift facial expressions. He stayed firm where he stood and he hadn’t once broken eye contact with him. 

“Are you just going to stand there or-” 

“Slime’s are sensitive to vibrations right?” 

iJevin blinked his black dot eyes once. “Wha… I… yeah we are. How did you-” 

Before the slime could finish his sentence, the blond male lifted his wing up. Effectively covering the blue skinned man’s head and chest. Then all at once the room felt more tolerable. The sound died down and for once since he had stepped in the room it felt like he could properly take a breath and recollect himself. 

After a second passed, iJevin refocused back on the shorter man who was still looking at him with the same big, blue, happy eyes. 

“I’m Welsknight. I lived in the lower parts of Sky Zone back on Earth. Saw a lot of slimes that had the same issue that you do with loud noises and intense vibrations and whatnot. I get it.” 

With a nervous swallow, iJevin slowly and hesitantly nodded his head. “Thank you… I’m iJevin.” 

With a warm smile, Welsknight gave a curt nod. His other wing that wasn’t raised in front of another being shivered and shook out. “Nice to meet you iJevin.” 

“Captain on Point!” 

“We’ll catch up later.” 

All at once, Jevin was thrown back into reality. Hours upon suffocating hours of military training and lecturing kicked in at the words shouted out above the crowd. 

The room fell silent in a millisecond.

iJevin straightened his posture immediately, tossed his left arm back behind himself at a comfortable angle and put his right arm up to his forehead in the proper salute just like everyone else had done. Whether they were in his view, just within it or not at all, he knew they did it. 

Now it was time to meet their Void Walker Captain. 


End file.
